Knowing your love languages.
Distance can be embraced as a time of nurturing, rather than a hurdle or an obstacle to overcome.
It is all in perspective, attitude, and choices.
Perspective: I’m dating my favorite person.
Attitude: The bright side? We will be back together when this all ends, not the other way around.
Choices: We choose to use this time to foster kind communication, strengthen our friendship, and deepen our love for each other.
Distance takes care, patience, and intention.
That is one of the things I love about The Five Love Languages. After identifying our languages, we chose to find creative ways love each other despite the distance.
Our short list of ways to speak your partners love language thru distance
- A short I love you text, or thinking about you, or hey beautiful! throughout the day.
- Snail mail letters
- Short voicemails of affirmation before “something big” (i.e. an interview, audition, meeting, etc)
- Anything sentimental, i.e. “open when” letters, a traveling journal (send it back and forth in the mail)
- Short e-mails throughout the work day for no reason.
- Anything that says, you are loved and I’m thinking about you.
Tools: text, skype/facetime, snail mail (letters, packages, etc), emails
- A short 5 minute lunch convo
- Scheduled longer conversations at night on the phone/ skype.
- Snapchat was also a friend here to help us feel a part of each other’s world.
- Short text videos i.e. “in the office” or “walking to lunch” or “a humorous moment.”
- Doing- dates, i.e. facetime chess, scrabble, cooking a meal together, etc (more in another post)
- surprise visits!
Tools: text videos, voice phone calls, skype/facetime, “doing dates” via skype
- “Doing dates” were great for this one. Skype/facetime is GREAT.
- Planning visits, and making sure they are not packed with activities. This is a problem I’ve heard from many long distance couples. They finally visit and feel the need to cram everything into the weekend. (i.e. Meet the family, friends, see all the favorite spots, see the workplace, etc etc) and they run out of time to just be together. The together time is the most important time.
- Take lots of pictures together. The touch talker will want to have these pictures the most when distance separates you.
- Talking about the times when you were together, and how much you look forward to being together again. These are all things that will help fill up this love tank even within distance!
- We also had a countdown app on our phones!
Tools: visits, photographs, skype/facetime, “doing dates”, countdown app
- J would find ways despite the distance to fill up my tank (this is my language.) He did my taxes when I was swamped with projects
- He proof read my papers
- He became a sounding board for my unsolvable problems
- He would call my friends to “take me out” if I was really stressed or needed to take a break.
- There would be nights when J and I would have a skype date set, but I was just too tired to talk. He would text me and say, “spend the evening with The Bachelor (tv) and Noelle, we will talk tomorrow. I love you.” You have no idea how loved I felt by that text!
Tools: skype/facetime, unique circumstances, use of imagination!
- arranging surprises with your partners friends
- surprise visits!
Tools: postal service, visits
I have a series of long distance posts coming out, because both J and I feel so strongly about this topic. We know it’s possible to make distance work with the correct tools. I read all of these books, and talked with many people while dating, and now I hope to share our experiences and what we’ve learned along the way.
“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”
Photo credit Erica Serrano Photography.